TITLE: Parenting - Discipline and Guidance
AUTHOR: Shan Watenburger, Crook Co. High, OR
GRADE LEVEL/SUBJECT: 9-12, parenting
PERENNIAL PROBLEM: What to do about nurturing human
development.
PARENTING CONCERN: What should be done about parent-child
relationships?
RELATED CONCERN: Discipline and Guidance.
DESIRED RESULTS FOR LEARNERS: Students will understand the
role of discipline and guidance in their own lives and
become better able to appropriately guide and discipline
young children.
LEARNER OUTCOMES: Students will:
1. Consider the desired results of being disciplined and
the benefits to parents, children, and society.
2. Understand that different families, cultures, and
ethnic groups may have different behavioral
expectations for their children.
3. Understand that individual differences, situations, and
circumstances will determine the most effective
guidance techniques.
4. Examine some alternative approaches to these desired
results.
5. Analyze the consequences of various approaches to
developing disciplined individuals.
SUPPORTING CONCEPTS: a. Discipline b. Values c.
Socialization d. Guidance e. Logical and natural
consequences f. Punishment g. Positive reinforcement h.
Encouragement i. Behavior related to ages and stages.
BACKGROUND INFORMATION: The teaching and guidance aspects
of parenting are perhaps the greatest concerns that
caregivers have in adequately performing their duties. The
issue of how to provide adequate and appropriate discipline
in guiding children's growth and development is of primary
concern to parents and others who care for children. The
meaning of discipline is frequently misunderstood and
commonly used interchangeably with punishment. Many feel
uncomfortable with the word discipline because it recalls
resentment and frustrations from their childhood.
The term discipline is derived from an old English word
and means "to teach or train." Discipline is teaching
children the rules people live by and to become socialized
into their culture. It is one of the primary roles parents
assume in the socialization of their children.
Socialization is a lifelong process and includes helping
children learn to control their impulses and to acquire the
social skills that will allow them to participate actively
and fully in family life, work roles, and interaction with
other people. Discipline, therefore, is learning how to live
in a social world.
The short term goal of discipline is to control a child's
behavior while explaining what is appropriate behavior on a
daily basis. However, the long term goal is to teach self-
discipline and to help children take responsibility for
their own behavior. This goal of self-disciplined
individuals helps create a harmonious society. When the
important aspects of a child's life and behavior are
regulated by other's he or she will see no need to learn to
control themselves since others do it for them.
Punishment may restrain a child temporarily but it doesn't
teach self-discipline. Punishment may make children obey
the orders that are given, but at best it will only teach an
obedience to authority, not a self-control which enhances
their self-respect.
Discipline is a long term process that gradually leads to
a child becoming responsible for his own behavior; he cannot
learn self-control before he is mature enough to understand
why it is necessary ability to acquire. Teaching self-
discipline requires time, patience, and respect for the
individual. The process can begin at a relatively early age,
but cannot be stabilized before a child can reason on their
own.
Self-control is based on the wish to act on the basis of
one's own decisions, arrived at through one's own
deliberations.
Children's misbehavior is caused by a variety of reasons.
It may mean they are still learning the difference between
right and wrong. It could mean they are upset, discouraged,
or feeling rejected. It could also mean they are testing the
limits or simply "acting their age." Often times what
parents classify as "misbehavior" or "problem" behavior is
merely an inevitable part of a child's normal development.
It is frequently time limited and associated with certain
transient periods of behavior.
The Gesell Institute of Human Development has identified a
rather distinctive sequence of behavior stages which seem to
occur re peatedly as a child matures. In these cycles of
behavior, each age level has its own positive aspects but
each also brings with it some undesirable behavior. There
are some ages when the child seems to be in a stage of
equilibrium, both with him or herself and with the people in
his or her world. In contrast, there are alternative stages
of disequilibrium when he or she appears to be unhappy,
confused, or out of sorts (Ilg, AMes & Baker 1981). Being
aware of these cycles should help parents choose discipline
and guidance techniques appropriate for each age and stage
of development. The following table illustrates these age
changes:
2 5 10 smooth, untroubled
2 1/2 5 1/2 - 6 11 disturbed, troubled
3 6 1/2 12 well balanced, happy
3 1/2 7 13 emotional instability,
drawing inward
4 8 14 expansive, outgoing
4 1/2 9 15 troubled, less outgoing
5 10 16 smooth, stable
(Ilg, et al.,p. 14)
It is important, however, for parents to understand that
even though children follow a distinctive pattern that flows
from one stage to another, they vary at the time in which
they reach and leave each stage. Each child grows in his or
her own way and progresses according to an individual
internal timetable in intellectual, social, physical and
emotional steps. Skills that come easily and early to one
child may be difficult and come later for another child.
Each family will need to develop its own childrearing
values. No one is able to produce a system of discipline and
guidance that will work effectively in all families.
Personalities, family background, values, and goals will
influence the child rearing philosophy and methods adopted
in a given family. It is helpful for parents to adopt a
consistent plan of action for discipline to operate
effectively and function for the benefit of all family
members.
A parent will make decisions about their parenting
patterns and attitudes based on their own socialization and
past experiences. Developmental psychologist, Diana
Baumrind of the University of California at Berkeley, has
been studying the effects of various methods of discipline
since 1960 (Mawhinney and Peters, 1986). She has
investigated parent's childrearing styles by interviewing
them and by observing how they reacted with their children
in real life situations. In this process she identified
three major patterns of childrearing.
The first childrearing style is called Authoritarian --
old fashioned strictness. Authoritarian parents follow the
"traditional" viewpoint: obedience is viewed as a virtue,
and conflicts between child and parent are met with
punishment and force. The child is expected to do what the
parent says without argument.
The second childrearing style is called Authoritative -
sometimes referred to as Democratic. Authoritative parents,
like Authoritarian ones, believe in firm enforcement of
family rules, but there is a difference: Authoritative
parents give their children the reason behind their
decisions a permit verbal give and take. They listen to
their children's objectives and take them into
consideration, but the final decision belongs to the
parents. The children are encouraged to be independent.
The third type of parenting is called Permissive.
Permissive parents behave in a kind, accepting way toward
their children and demand very little of them. Their
children are given as much freedom as possible and the
parents see their role as helping or serving their children
rather than the opposite. Baumrind found few differences in
her studies between the children of Authoritarian parents
and the children of Permissive parents. Both groups of
children were less motivated to achieve and less independent
than the children of Authoritarian parents. In contrast,
the children of Authoritative parents were responsible,
assertive, self-reliant, and friendly (Harris & Leibert,
1984)
Our current ideas of the nature of parent-child relations
have evolved over time and are frequently reflective of the
changes taking place in society. Societal changes affect
changes in the functions of families within society and
contemporary goals and expectations of childrearing may be
certain because of rapid social changes occurring in our
culture. A variety of contradictory views about children
have given rise to a variety of theories of childrearing
an d show a wide swing from child oriented to parent-
oriented methods of care giving. Most current conceptions
used by professionals in the area of child development and
parent education are based on findings from behavior and
social science research. (Note to Teacher: An article
entitled "Helping Children Learn Self-Control: A Guide to
Discipline" (SM-1) may be used as a teacher resource.)
TEACHER PREPARATION:
1. Think about why discipline is important to children.
It is to control the behavior of the moment or to help
them become better able to direct their own behavior
and lives as they mature? Reflect on your own
experiences in relation to discipline. What are your
motivations and frustrations?
2. What do you think is the teenager's attitude about
discipline? Why do adults take the actions they do in
regard to teenage behavior?
LESSON PLAN AND DIRECTED ACTIVITIES: Start a unit by
beginning with supporting concept a: Discipline
1. "Discipline-What is it?": To help students clarify
their own ideas about the meaning and purpose of
discipline, have them each write down a definition of
discipline on a 3" x 5" card. (They do not have to put
their names on the cards.) Collect the cards and share
some of the definitions with the class. Analyze the
definitions and try to find common themes in all of
them. Compare their definitions with the dictionary
definition of discipline, which includes the elements
of instruction and "disciple," (someone who follows the
teachings of another).
After the discussion, ask if they believe there are
rules developed in the name of discipline or that are
unnecessary and ineffective on children.
Ask the students to reflect on rules that have been set
by schools when they were in grade school, middle
school, and high school, and analyze why they think the
school authorities might have set these rules.
-Do they feel they were, or are reasonable?
-How can high school students have a role in setting
rules for the school?
-How does a parent know what are appropriate limits for
a child?
-What considerations would be involved in limit
setting?
-What is the result of a lack of discipline? Give some
examples in your school setting.
Have student s give some specific examples. Ask them to
think about the school setting they are in now and the
results when people act in an undisciplined manner. It
would be important to help students see that the purpose of
some rules is to protect children from harm and that some
rules are set for young children because they do not have
the judgement or have not reached a developmental level
where they can make all these decisions for themselves. They
lack experience to understand the consequences of their
actions. The discussion should include strategies for
helping young children learn to self control. As children
mature there will be a need for fewer externally imposed
limits as they begin to internalize the standards set for
them an become more able to make their own decisions.
(Student resources for this activity include a brochure
called "Helping Children Learn Self-Control: A guide to
discipline", put out by the National Association for the
Education of Children (1988.)and thearticle,"Especially for
Parents: Disciplining Preschoolers," (Straatman, 1986) A
Pacific Northwest Extension Publication. Corvallis, Oregon:
Oregon State University.
Note: For additional lesson plan ideas that work well with
middle school and high school students, contact: Oregon
Department of Education, 700 Pringle Parkway SE, Salem,
Oregon 97310-0290. Ask to order the Parenthood Education
Curric ulum guide 1990. (The proceeding lesson plan idea
given here was taken verbatim from this guide. See section 3
under the High school: Parenting concerns.
This lesson plan idea is a favorite of Shan Wattenburger,
Home Economics teacher in Oregon. It always works
wonderfully in my parenting and child development classes.
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